Masturbation Is A MUST!
I was trying to think of a good line to open this blog with, but I couldn’t think of anything. So, I’m just going with Men Must Masturbate (MMM). It’s pretty basic, but it gets the message across – and if it doesn’t, it means males need to pleasure themselves physically with their hand by rubbing their penis. Better? Okay then. Moving on.
First of all, 99.999999999% of all guys masturbate. It’s natural. I do it, I admit it. I remember I used to do it around 14-15 times a week when I first started – did it so much my genitals drained so badly it looked like I had a vagina. You probably didn’t need to know that. Or did you? No, probably not. Nevertheless, my point remains: everyone masturbates.
Guys have urges. We need to attend to them. So we do. With our hand. Sometimes hands. Sometimes we sit on our hand until it goes numb so we think someone else is doing it.
But for people who need more convincing, did you know regular masturbation decreases the chance of you getting prostate cancer? Amazing! Like I needed another reason! And there are absolutely no side effects to masturbation, so that deserves an emoticon
Another reason I’ve come up with that may make the ladies come around to the Wank Side. If men masturbate regularly, they will last longer in bed. Truly. And if they don’t masturbate then have sex, well, let’s just say you’re Fillet O Fish is going to get a whole lot of Mayonnaise… yeah… I just said that.
And for girls who see masturbation as cheating? Shut up. It’s not. You see a hot guy walking down the road, you look, you get a little wet – it’s not cheating. It’s window shopping: you can look, but you can’t buy; sometimes you get a free sample, but that’s about it. Most of the time your boyfriend thinks of you when he’s masturbating. Or, at least your body with someone else’s face. But don’t see it as cheating; he’s not masturbating for pleasure, remember, he’s doing it for you.
And that is how I feel on the issue of Masturbation. Now, I’m going to go toss the salad. God, I hate family picnics.